3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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