so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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