dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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