my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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