my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
