and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
