dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
