I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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