You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
