I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
