No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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