Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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