So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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