He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
