are you still at the devil's house?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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