Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
