pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
