I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
