i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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