Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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