Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
