so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
