tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
