I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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