UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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