I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
