my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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