i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
