I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
