just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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