Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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