We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
