We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
