We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I want a musical about memes.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
