Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
