In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
