Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
it glows. i had to have it.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
