Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
