The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
