how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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