I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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