i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
