I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
