Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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