so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So much rum. So many feels.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
