Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
True strength comes from lack of pants
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
