i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
