Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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