i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
