I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
