she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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