thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
