the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
